the wedding
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a visit from my sister…
I was sitting on my couch watching a Nicholas Sparks movie last night when I was overcome with this longing for my sister. “Roods, I need you. More than ever.” I followed it up with a prayer to see her. It is the same one that I speak every night before bed. “God, please bring Continue reading
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revealing my deepest regret…
“John Mayer is on tour.”My friend said it completely out of nowhere. No context. Nothing said before it to make those words fit into the conversation. Zero external signs to point to this being the next topic of discussion.But mind you, I caught her completely off guard that morning in the studio with his visit.It Continue reading
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standing in the dichotomy…
I opened my Facebook messenger in the evening – pure habit. That was usually the time her and I would have our most honest conversations.It always felt safer to expose our darkness when the world itself had gone dim too.It still showed her online.And there was that brief reprieve from grief – the few seconds Continue reading
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all of me…
“Aaaaaall of me loves aaaaaall of you…”It played on the radio through my car speakers as I prepared to drive to work.Perfectly fitting the 4am mood.Love is always louder for me before the rest of the world wakes up…I smiled at the sound.Blissful memories evoked the tears falling down my cheeks.–I put a random Spotify Continue reading
adventure, anorexia, anxiety, blog, blogger, breakup, concert, death, depression, eating disorder, healing, heartbreak, home, inspiration, loss, love, memories, mental health, music, PTSD, relationships, self harm, suicide, trauma, utah, wedding, writer -
a spirit stuck in time…
We were sitting on his deck eating peanut butter cookies (I have tried and failed countless times to find cookies back home nearly as good as those).I was sipping on the coffee he made me upon arriving at his house.He and I were discussing the correlation of the beehive and Utah – narrowing it down Continue reading
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receiving the phone number…
We were in Park City walking into the restaurant he chose for lunch.The same one he used to frequent with his students back when he was a ski instructor.I was told the story as we approached the building of how eager the kids would get at the end of the lesson to race back down Continue reading
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the first meeting…
Our introduction to one another was at the rehearsal dinner the evening before the wedding.As the only two single people in the wedding party, we were seated beside each other at the same table as the bride and groom.We hit it off immediately, the connection instantaneous.Our conversation never skimmed the surface.We went deep – quickly Continue reading
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the dance…
“Would you like to dance?” he asked with one arm outstretched towards me, the other behind his back.I had been saving this life experience, my first slow dance with a man, for a specific someone.It was to be an act of redemption for an experience that passed us by twelve years ago at that point Continue reading
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i met him once in a dream…
September 27, 2020–I had the most vivid dream that was in the same color as the beginning of the Wizard of Oz – not black and white but the brownish tones.I was standing in a strapless dress on a walkway (much resembling the look of a boardwalk) that was over a lake nestled within giant Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 