adventure
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laying (almost) all my cards out on the table…
He had one card left in his hand – about to win his fourth game of the night.The clock was quickly approaching midnight. The events of the last hour were a spur of the moment decision. At some point amidst our conversation on Halsey two decks of cards started being dealt – different motives of Continue reading
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finding perfection in imperfection…
A few days ago I burnt my toast.Charred would be a more appropriate word for what it became…My neglect of the bread a result of being too invested in my daily kitchen dance party.“With You” by Jessica Simpson my song of choice – love was on the mind.And then my sunny side up eggs, seemingly Continue reading
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revealing my deepest regret…
“John Mayer is on tour.”My friend said it completely out of nowhere. No context. Nothing said before it to make those words fit into the conversation. Zero external signs to point to this being the next topic of discussion.But mind you, I caught her completely off guard that morning in the studio with his visit.It Continue reading
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so, what now…?
“So what have you been up to?”This would be the first of three times he would ask me in 30 minutes.Reminiscent of a date I once had when the boy continuously, over the course of the hour we were at a fair, asked if I wanted to ride the ferris wheel (even though my answer Continue reading
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the end of my “one day”…
I had a visitor at work on a Saturday a few months ago.A brief stop on his way up north for a two week trip to Washington for skiing and climbing.“Are you doing anything tomorrow morning?”The text came late in the evening on Friday. Seeing his name on my phone after coming out of the Continue reading
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letting loose the death in me…
“Wow, you sped through that!”I was sitting in my car staring at my newly cracked windshield when his text came through.“Well way to throw off my groove, rock!” I said with a laugh after I saw what happened.I was in the middle of an epic car karaoke session to “Mr. Brightside” while driving to the Continue reading
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standing in the dichotomy…
I opened my Facebook messenger in the evening – pure habit. That was usually the time her and I would have our most honest conversations.It always felt safer to expose our darkness when the world itself had gone dim too.It still showed her online.And there was that brief reprieve from grief – the few seconds Continue reading
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my light extinguished…
“Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, I-I-I work out…”I could hear her singing along to the song playing on the radio.It was the only source of music we had – our iPods taken away as the headphones were contraband.She gave a slight smirk, let out a little giggle under her breath Continue reading
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the call i never expected…
“Hello, this is J. I received a missed call from you.”–It was July 12th, 2013. Around 9am. The brightest summer morning – the sun touching every square inch of my dad’s office where I was sitting at the desk publishing my daily blog.I had received a phone call from an unknown number minutes before.I let Continue reading
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all of me…
“Aaaaaall of me loves aaaaaall of you…”It played on the radio through my car speakers as I prepared to drive to work.Perfectly fitting the 4am mood.Love is always louder for me before the rest of the world wakes up…I smiled at the sound.Blissful memories evoked the tears falling down my cheeks.–I put a random Spotify Continue reading
adventure, anorexia, anxiety, blog, blogger, breakup, concert, death, depression, eating disorder, healing, heartbreak, home, inspiration, loss, love, memories, mental health, music, PTSD, relationships, self harm, suicide, trauma, utah, wedding, writer
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 