anorexia
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from diagnosis to identity…
“Just like every other anorexic. Thinking she can trick us all into thinking she ate by moving her food around her plate. It won’t work on me.”She was standing by the window, arms crossed, dagger eyes staring right at me.An angry scowl disguising any compassion this woman had in her body.–The malice of her to Continue reading
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every room tells a story…
The nurse would show me my room.The bathroom door to the left immediately upon entering.My bed – just a mattress on a raised wooden platform – pushed along the wall in the corner.The stain matching the wooden desk (turned makeshift closet) and chair beside it.Identical furniture in the opposite corner – pajamas laying on the Continue reading
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giving a voice to the silenced…
I still see their faces.I still feel their pain.I still hear their voices.Their stories left an imprint on me.A mark that would forever symbolize the first time I knew there was more darkness in this world than I could ever fathom.And that I was helpless to heal it all.—–Ryan – 15 years old.The one with Continue reading
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the dividing line…
We left his office, now standing at the elevator.My mom tried to give me a hug, but I refused to be touched.Her attempt to make amends raising my anger to a new height.I took the stairs instead.Wondering in that time of solitude if it would be possible to run away right then and there.Escape the Continue reading
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the day i lost the last of me…
July 21, 2003.A day I remember all too well – painfully so.I can tell you every single detail of those 24 hours.They are memories that taunt me ruthlessly – keeping me awake for hours at night as they force themselves into my present reality.Not content staying in decades ago.–At this point in my life, I Continue reading
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the war with “enough”…
It happened bit by bit but yet seemingly everything all at once.Sitting in that chair in the doctor’s office that December in 2002 being told a hospital stay was imminent if I did not gain weight.“There is a place you can go for people like you to get additional help.”People like me…It was the first Continue reading
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becoming a ghost of myself…
“You look really different. You lost a lot of weight. Are you okay?”She asked me in the cafeteria when I was going to put my tray away on the first day of sixth grade.The one full of barely touched food – but strategically and creatively packaged and organized to appear otherwise.I had noticed her staring Continue reading
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the deal…
Before you read on, I must preface this particular writing.Because it is not a piece of my history I was sure would actually ever reach the light.It took me until I was 24 years old, during my very last attempt at treatment, to make it known to a therapist.26 until I addressed it directly with Continue reading
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how did i get here…?
How did I get here?I could give you the abridged version – the one you would find in textbooks.Tell you about the anxiety, the desire to feel in control, the need to numb emotions, etc.But that doesn’t fully answer the question, does it?Because my mind could have landed on a slew of different coping mechanisms.So Continue reading
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when do i tell him…?
“I don’t know how you do it – consistently work 80 hour weeks. How are you not burnt out? I want to tap out at 35.”He was sitting at my counter.Same seat as when he came over for lunch after I had just moved in.I was standing across from him with glass of water in Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 