eating disorders
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the dividing line…
We left his office, now standing at the elevator.My mom tried to give me a hug, but I refused to be touched.Her attempt to make amends raising my anger to a new height.I took the stairs instead.Wondering in that time of solitude if it would be possible to run away right then and there.Escape the Continue reading
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the day i lost the last of me…
July 21, 2003.A day I remember all too well – painfully so.I can tell you every single detail of those 24 hours.They are memories that taunt me ruthlessly – keeping me awake for hours at night as they force themselves into my present reality.Not content staying in decades ago.–At this point in my life, I Continue reading
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the war with “enough”…
It happened bit by bit but yet seemingly everything all at once.Sitting in that chair in the doctor’s office that December in 2002 being told a hospital stay was imminent if I did not gain weight.“There is a place you can go for people like you to get additional help.”People like me…It was the first Continue reading
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becoming a ghost of myself…
“You look really different. You lost a lot of weight. Are you okay?”She asked me in the cafeteria when I was going to put my tray away on the first day of sixth grade.The one full of barely touched food – but strategically and creatively packaged and organized to appear otherwise.I had noticed her staring Continue reading
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the deal…
Before you read on, I must preface this particular writing.Because it is not a piece of my history I was sure would actually ever reach the light.It took me until I was 24 years old, during my very last attempt at treatment, to make it known to a therapist.26 until I addressed it directly with Continue reading
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when do i tell him…?
“I don’t know how you do it – consistently work 80 hour weeks. How are you not burnt out? I want to tap out at 35.”He was sitting at my counter.Same seat as when he came over for lunch after I had just moved in.I was standing across from him with glass of water in Continue reading
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breaking all my rules…
“So, this is my new favorite chocolate. And Andrew Garfield loves it too.”“Haha. Is that how you heard about it?”“No, I learned that after the fact. I was just roaming the aisles of Harmons one day looking for something new. But it certainly helps my claim of being the best!”It was one of a few Continue reading
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the right arm’s redemption…
I would only ever self harm on my right arm – restricted to the inner forearm.I do not hide the scars.Nor do I intentionally show them.I will explain them if asked – which only one person ever has – very recently.After I let that secret part of my story be brought to the light when Continue reading
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when i knew…
“I was 12 when I first realized I wanted to be a writer.”We were waiting on our food to arrive, catching up on the happenings of our lives since we last saw each other.Even the simplest of conversations captivating my thoughts into stillness.A mind undivided, unforced to pick a side.No tug of war to pull Continue reading
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following in her footsteps…
I had just gotten into my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot.There to pick up quintessential items for my guest: pickles, frozen pizza, and a broom.It was one of the most life giving carts.One I filled up while listening to a customized playlist I made for him that would play throughout his visit.It is always Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 