loss
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standing in the dichotomy…
I opened my Facebook messenger in the evening – pure habit. That was usually the time her and I would have our most honest conversations.It always felt safer to expose our darkness when the world itself had gone dim too.It still showed her online.And there was that brief reprieve from grief – the few seconds Continue reading
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my light extinguished…
“Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, I-I-I work out…”I could hear her singing along to the song playing on the radio.It was the only source of music we had – our iPods taken away as the headphones were contraband.She gave a slight smirk, let out a little giggle under her breath Continue reading
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the call i never expected…
“Hello, this is J. I received a missed call from you.”–It was July 12th, 2013. Around 9am. The brightest summer morning – the sun touching every square inch of my dad’s office where I was sitting at the desk publishing my daily blog.I had received a phone call from an unknown number minutes before.I let Continue reading
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all of me…
“Aaaaaall of me loves aaaaaall of you…”It played on the radio through my car speakers as I prepared to drive to work.Perfectly fitting the 4am mood.Love is always louder for me before the rest of the world wakes up…I smiled at the sound.Blissful memories evoked the tears falling down my cheeks.–I put a random Spotify Continue reading
adventure, anorexia, anxiety, blog, blogger, breakup, concert, death, depression, eating disorder, healing, heartbreak, home, inspiration, loss, love, memories, mental health, music, PTSD, relationships, self harm, suicide, trauma, utah, wedding, writer -
the avalanche released…
“Do you have any siblings?”He casually asked me back in February in between sips of his beer.Leaning back in the booth, settling in comfortably to our temporary location.We were at a bar in Park City waiting for our dinner reservation.He had just shared a story about his brother.The question was expected.–“I have an older brother.”I Continue reading
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the last phone call…
March 30, 2015.The day that would unknowingly become the last time I ever heard my sister’s voice.I called to wish her a happy birthday.Which turned into a few hours of her and I catching up on life, her making me laugh, us discussing our plans for when she would be in Tampa a few weeks Continue reading
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the first kiss…
My sister was a huge proponent in me living out a fairytale romance.She helped me get ready for my very first date.Assisted in picking out the perfect outfit, styled my hair for me, did my makeup, taught me how to shave my legs (although this ended in many wounds…I laughed at it then, and I Continue reading
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the first love…
It was March 2003 – the 7th to be exact.A date I remember well because my then boyfriend included it in his screenname very soon after asking me to be his girlfriend – mini(his name)3703.And now I sit here crying, heart melting into a puddle as I reflect on that little gesture.Even having just taken Continue reading
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following in her footsteps…
I had just gotten into my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot.There to pick up quintessential items for my guest: pickles, frozen pizza, and a broom.It was one of the most life giving carts.One I filled up while listening to a customized playlist I made for him that would play throughout his visit.It is always Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 