mental health
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rewriting the script…
“I was getting emails from Zillow letting me know you were looking at houses in Utah.”It was brought up on a phone call back in autumn.With a person from a far distant past – I say that not so much in the form of time but in the depth of life that has happened since Continue reading
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had i never saved myself…
“Can I buy you a drink?”I stood at the table in the underground bar, observing all the couples, refraining from holding back any expression of sadness when a voice grabbed my attention.I looked up to lock my tear-filled eyes with an older gentleman.Was he being kind, or did I look like I needed one that Continue reading
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ignoring the warning signs…
“Oh no no no….this cannot be happening.”My car, still only equipped for the east coast weather, stopped on an incline.The heavily snow-coated streets on that early March evening, plowed only an hour before, an unfair component against my tires.How could something so delicate, so peaceful have the power to wreak such havoc?Vehicles were front of Continue reading
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the disorder’s 6am wakeup call…
“Bump, clink, bang, clink, knock knock.”Our 6AM alarm clock every morning.The sound of the blood pressure machine squeakily making its way down the hall.Always making a loud thud when crossing over the hallway carpet to the bedroom carpet.Which preceded the tap on the door by the nurse – as if they needed permission to enter.Or Continue reading
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dining on the battlefield…
“720. Saving a banana and peanut butter.”“480. Complete.”Each patient speaking different variations of those two sentences as we went around the table.The staff member at the head of the table, coveted clipboard in front of her, writing it down in the appropriate meal box next to our names.Some of us also having additional notes beside Continue reading
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welcome to my new normal…
I was brought to my room while my parents finished the paperwork.Envision a hospital room that collided with a hotel from the 90s.Wallpaper beginning to peel at the seams showing the advancing age of the building.A ledge in front of the non-functioning window – wide enough to sit on.But currently decorated with cards and flowers Continue reading
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tricked back into treatment…
February 2, 2004.I had made it about 6 months in the real world after being discharged from the psych ward before I would find myself needing more intensive treatment again.I switched my doctor to a nurse practitioner within the same office in Hershey.I was seeing a therapist weekly.I was meeting with a nutritionist bi-weekly.But none Continue reading
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when the ending becomes a beginning…
Three weeks passed before I would be discharged.The only reason being we were going on a family vacation – my parents convinced them to let me leave early.It was 21 days that forever changed the trajectory of my life.And now only hitting me that the only other time I was away for exactly that same Continue reading
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from diagnosis to identity…
“Just like every other anorexic. Thinking she can trick us all into thinking she ate by moving her food around her plate. It won’t work on me.”She was standing by the window, arms crossed, dagger eyes staring right at me.An angry scowl disguising any compassion this woman had in her body.–The malice of her to Continue reading
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every room tells a story…
The nurse would show me my room.The bathroom door to the left immediately upon entering.My bed – just a mattress on a raised wooden platform – pushed along the wall in the corner.The stain matching the wooden desk (turned makeshift closet) and chair beside it.Identical furniture in the opposite corner – pajamas laying on the Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 