suicide
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standing in the dichotomy…
I opened my Facebook messenger in the evening – pure habit. That was usually the time her and I would have our most honest conversations.It always felt safer to expose our darkness when the world itself had gone dim too.It still showed her online.And there was that brief reprieve from grief – the few seconds Continue reading
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my light extinguished…
“Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, I-I-I work out…”I could hear her singing along to the song playing on the radio.It was the only source of music we had – our iPods taken away as the headphones were contraband.She gave a slight smirk, let out a little giggle under her breath Continue reading
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the call i never expected…
“Hello, this is J. I received a missed call from you.”–It was July 12th, 2013. Around 9am. The brightest summer morning – the sun touching every square inch of my dad’s office where I was sitting at the desk publishing my daily blog.I had received a phone call from an unknown number minutes before.I let Continue reading
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all of me…
“Aaaaaall of me loves aaaaaall of you…”It played on the radio through my car speakers as I prepared to drive to work.Perfectly fitting the 4am mood.Love is always louder for me before the rest of the world wakes up…I smiled at the sound.Blissful memories evoked the tears falling down my cheeks.–I put a random Spotify Continue reading
adventure, anorexia, anxiety, blog, blogger, breakup, concert, death, depression, eating disorder, healing, heartbreak, home, inspiration, loss, love, memories, mental health, music, PTSD, relationships, self harm, suicide, trauma, utah, wedding, writer -
how did i get here…?
How did I get here?I could give you the abridged version – the one you would find in textbooks.Tell you about the anxiety, the desire to feel in control, the need to numb emotions, etc.But that doesn’t fully answer the question, does it?Because my mind could have landed on a slew of different coping mechanisms.So Continue reading
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when do i tell him…?
“I don’t know how you do it – consistently work 80 hour weeks. How are you not burnt out? I want to tap out at 35.”He was sitting at my counter.Same seat as when he came over for lunch after I had just moved in.I was standing across from him with glass of water in Continue reading
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breaking out of anonymity…
I was 11 years old when I received my first official diagnosis.After silently suffering three years prior with a mental and emotional turmoil I had no idea even had a name.I sat in the chair of my pediatrician’s office, the same one I claimed since I was a toddler, as she would speak the words Continue reading
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my silence a deafening sound…
We were driving home from dinner in Park City when the song started playing.Ever so quietly heard in the slight pause of our conversation.“Agnes” by Glass Animals.One of the most tragically beautiful songs I have ever heard.There has never been a time of listening to it when I have not cried.Tonight was no exception.The tears Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 