trauma
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the end of my “one day”…
I had a visitor at work on a Saturday a few months ago.A brief stop on his way up north for a two week trip to Washington for skiing and climbing.“Are you doing anything tomorrow morning?”The text came late in the evening on Friday. Seeing his name on my phone after coming out of the Continue reading
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letting loose the death in me…
“Wow, you sped through that!”I was sitting in my car staring at my newly cracked windshield when his text came through.“Well way to throw off my groove, rock!” I said with a laugh after I saw what happened.I was in the middle of an epic car karaoke session to “Mr. Brightside” while driving to the Continue reading
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standing in the dichotomy…
I opened my Facebook messenger in the evening – pure habit. That was usually the time her and I would have our most honest conversations.It always felt safer to expose our darkness when the world itself had gone dim too.It still showed her online.And there was that brief reprieve from grief – the few seconds Continue reading
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my light extinguished…
“Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, I-I-I work out…”I could hear her singing along to the song playing on the radio.It was the only source of music we had – our iPods taken away as the headphones were contraband.She gave a slight smirk, let out a little giggle under her breath Continue reading
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the call i never expected…
“Hello, this is J. I received a missed call from you.”–It was July 12th, 2013. Around 9am. The brightest summer morning – the sun touching every square inch of my dad’s office where I was sitting at the desk publishing my daily blog.I had received a phone call from an unknown number minutes before.I let Continue reading
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all of me…
“Aaaaaall of me loves aaaaaall of you…”It played on the radio through my car speakers as I prepared to drive to work.Perfectly fitting the 4am mood.Love is always louder for me before the rest of the world wakes up…I smiled at the sound.Blissful memories evoked the tears falling down my cheeks.–I put a random Spotify Continue reading
adventure, anorexia, anxiety, blog, blogger, breakup, concert, death, depression, eating disorder, healing, heartbreak, home, inspiration, loss, love, memories, mental health, music, PTSD, relationships, self harm, suicide, trauma, utah, wedding, writer -
right where we left it…
“You should buy yourself something,” he said while observing me eyeing the jewelry. “If I were one to wear a bracelet, I would buy the green one.”It was two sentences amongst a million words spoken that day that followed me for twenty months, having walked out of the store never making the purchase.I could not Continue reading
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all things work together for the good…
“Where are you visiting from?”The cashier was ringing up my sweatshirt as she asked – adorned with a moose in honor of two favorite moments from two life changing drives.I was in a souvenir shop below an art gallery my friend and I visited in August 2021 – one full of enlarged photographs of Utah’s Continue reading
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rewriting the script…
“I was getting emails from Zillow letting me know you were looking at houses in Utah.”It was brought up on a phone call back in autumn.With a person from a far distant past – I say that not so much in the form of time but in the depth of life that has happened since Continue reading
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had i never saved myself…
“Can I buy you a drink?”I stood at the table in the underground bar, observing all the couples, refraining from holding back any expression of sadness when a voice grabbed my attention.I looked up to lock my tear-filled eyes with an older gentleman.Was he being kind, or did I look like I needed one that Continue reading
About Me
I am a woman on a mission to turn her pain into purpose using her passion for writing. This blog is the journey of my becoming, excerpts from the pages of my book of life – the good and bad and everything in between – written with the intent to heal, to guide, to inspire…
I write to document the tale of a heroine slaying every dragon that comes her way for she knows she is the only one who can save herself.
I write to tell the story of a woman brought back to life; a chronicle of rebirth to show the power of hope and redemption.
I write to give meaning to every yes spoken – whether in shouts or whispers, in fear or bravery.
I write to share with the world the story of what happens when one believes in the beauty of a better tomorrow. What happens when one refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies. What happens when a mere spark you defiantly declined to let go out ignites into an inferno.
I write to open the eyes of all those who feel like the victim in their own story to see that they are not helpless or damaged or weak. They are in control. They have everything within to become the victor.
I write to speak life into the grieving to allow words laced in truth and love to mend the wounds inhibiting the heart from moving forward.
I write for the invisible to feel seen. I write to lead us all on the journey to the happily ever after….it is waiting to be lived by each of us <3
Clandestine Confessions 